Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
