I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
