I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize