You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
