do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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