I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
