i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
