remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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