xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
