how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
