I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
