I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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