I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
