The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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