Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
