Don't make out with my wife yet
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
