why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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