lets start a swedish sibling band together
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
