If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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