I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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