Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
