Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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