She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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