Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
