Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I deserve this hangover.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
