she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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