Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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