Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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