and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
