I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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