He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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