I just saw a hot homeless man
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
