my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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