So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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