Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
