Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize