where am i from again
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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