I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yo dont text me then not text me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
