So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
