her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
