I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
