it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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