So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
