So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
