question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
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there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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