Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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