my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
