the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
