I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
