the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
