The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
BRING THE BAGELS
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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