I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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