We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He shit in the fireplace
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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