Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
