When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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