First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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