Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
