Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
