she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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