I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
