Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
