Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize