i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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