I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
