Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
